all rights reserved

reserved I am... always found it easier to respond to topics brought up by others than to create topics of my own. in comparison, topics created by me always seem awkward n generate little enthusiastic response. eventually i learnt not to talk about myself... so i listen, to others'... rantings, ravings, toking abt themselves, their childhood, their previous relationships.... at the end of a long conversation, i realised, i have allowed them to know so little of me, my thoughts and my opinions...

i am a reserved person... but people say they can read me like an open book. my moods r written clearly on my face. mayb too clearly sometimes. is this blog a subtle compensation to my own inability to speak about myself, trying to make up for my voice that's losy in all the shouting...

ask me "how am i?" and i'd say, "nothing much, u?" why m i hiding? why m i so afraid of the looks people give me? should i even care at all?... i dunno, mayb i dun care... i jus dun find joy talking abt myself... i cant find what can b so interesting abt myself that is worth telling...

overly sensitive, defensive, protective of myself... jus sooo afraid of being ostracised n hurt. but the ironies of life remains

we only treasure what we have lost
the more we desire to find something perfect, the lesser our chance of finding it
the more we hope people to like us, the more people run away from us
the lonelier we r, the lonelier we force ourself to become

life - it's what we make of it, following socials norms doesnt guarantee my happiness, i can only fight for it myself. and today... is the first day - of the rest of my life